Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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