I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
