I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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