YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
