all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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