Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
