the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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