Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
