I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
