My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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