Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
