how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
