just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
