I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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