i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
