Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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