HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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