An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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