its not stalking. its research.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
