so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
