It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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