dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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