God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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