Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
