8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
