Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
