She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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