i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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