I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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