Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
