He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
