She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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