Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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