It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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