I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
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He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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