I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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