My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
