final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
