M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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