so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I need mimosas to revive my soul
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
