so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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