State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
