I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
