i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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