I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
do herpes really smell.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He did a backflip because drugs
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