you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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