loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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