just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize