omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
