if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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