I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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