Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
