Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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