Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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