Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
