I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Randomize
