Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
