that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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