I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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