A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Bring me that man meat
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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