sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
