My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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