So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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