I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
