FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
