just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
