babies were throwing up all over the place
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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