i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
