He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we made out on top of his cat.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
