Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
