Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
