Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
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He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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