I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
