I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
