I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
