Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
