Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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