If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
