Ambien. No doubt about it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
