When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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