oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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