We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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