i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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