I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize