I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
